Why do I love you ?

Hey here I am to answer your question.
Sorry for not being able to tell to face to face because you will be always be the spoiler.
You like to make me annoyed  when I try to explain to you.

So here I am, letting my fingers dancing happily on the keyboards typing each character forming a word and slowly transforming to a sentence followed by a paragraph. I hope you won't stop reading this half way and come to annoy me.

Really. This is just for you and this one come truly from my heart.

Dear you, why do I love you?
mmm... why.. i have been asking myself this question too.
Why do I love you? Why do I love you, and this feeling get deeper each day.

Spending time with you make me feel happy, sad, excited, angry, worried, and hopeless.
I don't know why but these are the feeling I have when I am with you.

I am mad with you, when you already end work so late but you still catch  the last train to come my house and early morning, you cab home. And obviously, I know you don't mind spending your money on cab than your meals but I mind. I am so mad at you when you do so.

But then, I realize, you do so because you miss me.

I am happy to see you around. Happy to laugh, share about life and just slacking in the room watching cooking shows. Being happy has become so effortless when I with you. It just happens like that. Spending time with family on Sunday, dinner will be a time when we sit down and catch up with them. Sharing about work, life, gossips, and even food and any beauty products. I am glad that you bring me to your family. I am so happy to have the chance to know them better as the time pass.

But at times, I do feel hopeless to you. This happen when you suddenly lose your faith in cooking. When you suddenly question yourself, your own ability. I don't know if you still can recall how stunned I looked like, but seriously darling. 
I was so stunned and felt so hopeless. I felt hopeless cause you choose not to believe in yourself and it happened because of your ex boss doubted your skills. 
Seriously darl, who is he to doubt your skills?
And fine, maybe he is right that you are not skillful yet, but hey.. you are still learning and you will improve as the day pass. Never ever feel down because somebody look down of you!

They might be standing on top right now, but the next moment, who knows? The one standing on top is you. 

After all, though I do feel hopeless to you at that moment. But I am glad that I was there when you feel down, when you were at the your lowest point. Remember darl, you have me. Share with me :) 
When  I decided to be with you, that does not mean that I only with you when you are happy. But I will always stick to you through thick and thin <3 


Why do I love you?

I hate when you are so sweaty and sticky after your work, claiming that you are tired and you wanted to lay on the bed. And of course I can't stop you but I won't stop myself asking you to faster go shower.

But dear you, seeing you lying on the bed, closing your eyes and trying to have a short quick rest before you need to listen to my story. I realize I know that you are working hard for our future. 

That's why you will always hearing me say "Darl, just sleep. Take shower tomorrow morning. Please rest now"

Remember? :)

Why do I love you ?

I hate when you did not want to give me food when we worked at Pan Pac before. You said that you already off duty. And yet I saw you giving food to the other service staff. Ya.. I still remember and I will never forget but well I will forgive you. 
But hey! :)
Who knows someone who does not want to give me supper at Pan Pac, is the one who wanna share his future with me now.

I remembered when we just get together. You asked me what I want for our first anniversary.
I told you nothing.
And I asked you the same question.

"Marry you!" you replied me.

08 February 2015 was the day when you popped the question to me. 
People made fun of the diamond ring. 

But I dont.

1. I know you have worked hard for it
2. I love you. The ring is just a token of the proposal
3. I don't care about the diamond size, instead I care about the future of us.

To me, having you and building up a family with you is the greatest thing I want in my life.
Diamond rings, I can buy them anytime, any type, any size. 

But to finally find a man who loves me the way I am is not easy like buying a diamond ring.
Someone who can support and trust. Someone to share with.
And when I found, why should I waste time fighting over a diamond ring - it is just a token of expressing love?

Seriously, don't fight over what society expect your relationship to be.

Some people told us that we are too young to think of marriage.
People said we should have at least date for 5 years to know each other more before we plan for marriage.

Yes, I don't deny that.
But 5 years? Who come out with this law?
And marriage? It is about a lifetime commitment.

It is about a lifetime commitment.
Spending your life together with your loved one.
To me, marriage is about accepting each other, it is about give and give. 
Not matter how long we date, if one day we finally stop ourselves accepting our life partner?
Then that's.

5 year.. but things change in the count of second.

?
So how can you guarantee 5 years is good to decide whether to move on to marriage or not? 

Dear you, I could not guarantee that I can always be sweet to you. 
But I willing to learn about you everyday. 
Let me learn and discover you each day.
Let me learn about you everyday till I close my eyes and rest in the peace.

Why do I love you?

I love seeing you from morning till the next morning.
I know we will fight and argue, but I know it will only last for at most 15 minutes.
Then after that, we still hug each other before sleep.
And the next day, we start a new day together.


Why do I love you?

Find it very annoying every morning when you wake me up. When I told you "5 more minutes".
I mean like seriously 5 more minutes. But you will still insist spam kissing my cheek till I am awake,
Yes, I am totally annoyed and irritated. I am like can you seriously give meeee my 5 minutes?

But when I "forced" to be get myself awake, I find myself smiling. It is beautiful to know that the first thing you do after you wake up is to kiss my cheek.

I love you.

Don't ask me why anymore.
Too much to write.
But, trust me.
I love being with you.

A simple yet a very family oriented relationship.
I love us.

<3 

I love you so much that I can't wait to be your wife.
I can't wait to spend day with you.
I can't wait to always seeing you before I close my eyes at night, getting ready to sleep and when I open my eyes in the morning, get myself awake to get ready for work.

Counting down each day, can't wait to always be there waiting for you to end your night shift.
Get the towel ready for you to go and grab a quick refreshing shower. Prepare a supper for you when you are hungry. Help you iron your clothes.

I want you  to get home to rest and don't worry about the household.

I love you. :) 

PS : The time might not on us now, but I am sure we can go through this together :)

Haze

I am not sure about the current me. I think I am done and I am so tired, so sick. Maybe this is what people say mentally and physically tired. When your mind refuse to listen to your heart, or even when your heart even refuse to believe what your mind believe.

I am tired, so tired. Tired of my life, dragging me to be like this. I hate to find myself lost  hope and motivation to live. I hate for being negative. I don't want to be in this state whereby I feel hopeless and could not do anything. I hate to be under controlled. I hate.

They told me there will be a rainbow after the rain. 
Where?
Where is the rainbow? I can't find any rainbow, I can't even create the virtual rainbow in my own imagination. 
There is no rainbow after this started. 

I know there is no point dragging, but what can I do, I only found myself worrying and become more and more quiet each day. Putting a mask on and telling my surrounding, 'Hey I am fine" 

Ya, i am fine. 

How ironic life is, I used to be a motivational speaker to kids and domestic workers. Telling them to believe in their dreams, their hope and most importantly believe themselves. 
However, today. I can't even motivate myself, I did try. But things get worse day after day.
Starting from problem 0.1 and it elevates to 2.0 and maybe will be keep on upgrading. 

How the old Meylisa eagerly told herself to believe and keep on believing to her dreams and being optimistic, but  the today meylisa, can only sit down and feeling sick of her live. Continuing her daily routine and does not try to aim any higher. I ever said "I dream therefore I am" 

But the today me, has became  to someone who do not dare to dream anymore. 

I used to pray to God, asking for a challenging life. But today, I put my hands up. I am tired. 

These past weeks I finally realize that all along there is something I have totally ignore. 
Something that I always think that it won't really will affect me. 
I abuse my body. I sleep in the morning, stay up late night to do my stuffs, watching drama till the next day on the weekends, finish up my reports till the next morning, or dreaming about the next business plan or planning the existing business marketing plan.

I thought I will be fine. I thought my body is okay to be burnt that way. I thought I should do this during my youth, chasing dreams and my believe so that the future me will thanks the current me. 

Ya. And when my parents and family asked me to take a rest and pull back a little. I told them I am fine. Young, make full use of each time. 

Ya, but I forget, I am a human. And there will be a time when my body feel like shutting down. 
Ya. My body feel like shutting down soon.
Too much problems but I only have 1 body, 1 brain, and 24 hours a day.

I am sick of people telling me "Meylisa, dont worry! You will alright!"
I am sick of people telling me "Everything will be okay!"
I am sick of people telling me "Tomorrow will be another day!"
I am sick of people telling me "Every problem will have its solution"

My soul really really exhausted. 
Haha hopefully this body able to survive and able to see 2016 lol.

And still deep inside my heart, I still hoping to see rainbow soon ;)
Amen.

Ps : Live a life like today is your last day :) 

Asing

Asing, dan asing.
Itu yang kamu dan kau yang tahu.
Dimana air mata sudah tergelinang lebih dari yang kamu inginkan.

Ketika kuat bukan lagi pilihan, melainkan keharusan.
Ketika tangis harus didalam senyuman.
Mereka tidak akan tahu dan tidak mugkin tahu akan hitam nya disini.

Yang mereka tahu hanyalah warna langit yang selalu biru dan matahari selalu terbit dari Timur.
Mereka tidak tahu.
Dan aku, aku sendiri.

Di kota kecil ini, aku berdiri sendiri.
Melawan semua yang ada dengan badan kecil yang tidak lebih dari 160cm.
Melawan semua yang ada dengan hanya satu, cita cita ku.
Melawan semua yang ada dengan satu, cinta.

Sakit, pedih telah diri ini rasakan. 
Menjadi sosok yang teladan sebagai pengetua.
Pengetua yang tidak boleh menangis.
Pengetua yang harus selalu kuat.

Akankah badan mampu melawan semua yang ada?
Perselisihan, kecurangan, penyimpangan.
Berapa lama lagi badan ini kuat untuk melawan lagi?
Berapa lama lagi badan ini akan kuat untuk bertahan?

Berjuang demi cita cita yang lebih besar. 
Membantu meraih cita cita yang lebih besar.
Dan, setelah itu....
bagaimana dengan cita cita badan ini?

Adakah jalan yang lebih indah?
Kapankah akan jalan itu Kau tunjukan?



PS : "Home"