2014 is coming. A few more seconds to go. It means that my 21st birthday is coming too, not soon but surely that day will come.
I’m sitting on a plastic chair, wearing a big t-shirt and long blue dotted pants. With untidy hair, a glass of ice tea and a laptop in front of me. Fingers busy dancing on the keyboards. I have kept quiet for hours. My mum thought I was angry at her. Or maybe I am not feeling well. Nope. I am not.
I closed my eyes and asked myself. How much have I changed? Improve to be a better person? Or changing from the bad to worse?
I often think am I too ambitious about my life? I always plan a lot in life. What I want to do in the future, how I want my career path to be, and how I can manage between my careers and my family.
My surroundings often tells me that I think too much. I consider too much. I should just live my life like how other youth live their lives. But I simply can’t.
I love to watch Cinderella since I was a kid. I believe that if we work hard, be kind to people. We will find our true happiness. True love.
I also used to think that a relationship is just meant for two people-One to one relationship. Two opposite sex attracts each other. They fall in love, get married and they build a family together. But as I grow up, the world is not as simple as I thought. I was happened to see, to witness, a relationship is not necessarily meant for two people. I do witness a one to many relationship or even many to many relationship. The word love, is not as beautiful as it sounds.
I am a dreamer. Dreams play a huge part in my life. I dream and therefore I am. That is what I always believe in. However, this is the part that my family does not understand about me. They said my dreams were impossible. Too good to be true.
Of course, it broke my heart. I remembered how eager my parents trying to persuade me to further my study in Indonesia. New car, owning a car was possible given that I wanted to further my study in Indonesia. They also ever did freeze my debit cards so that I will return to them.
I told myself, I am not going to grow up if I continue to stay in my dad’s comfort zone. It was great being spoon fed by my parents, my family. It was really great. But it was a beginning of being a failure.
10th of January 2011. The day I will not forget for life. The day I started to see things in another kind of views. The day when I realized that I should not continue living in my own imaginary world.
The day when I put my ego and arrogance aside, pouring coffee and tea to the guests. Get scolded from my senior colleagues and even a manager. Wipe table legs, woke up early in the morning and dragged my leg to work, squat down counting napkins. The day when I realized that money is really hard to earn. The day when I found out what is passion really means.
What actually made me stronger and continue working there was because of the smell of the hot chocolate early in the morning <3 #hotchocolatefreak
After a month working as a part timer, I received my first pay. It felt so surreal. I felt proud of myself. I can earn money. I have money of my own! YEAH! #achievement
Then, I moved out from my apartment. I rented a small room in Ang Moh Kio. A room with no air-con. Single bed. No maid. Housework need to be done by myself.
However it only lasts for a year. I moved again to Kallang- an air-con room. I can’t deny that I am still the dad’s little princess. I can’t sleep well with a small fan and single bed.
I tried a lot part time jobs. From being waitress followed by a telemarketer, tuition teacher, and even sales promoter. I then very rarely go back to Indonesia to visit my family. Once a year only I go back. 2 weeks at most. I told my parents I was busy with my study.
And today I am going to tell them the truth-regarding the apartment and the part time job. #pleasedontgetscolded
***
2014 !
Hey you! 5 more months to my birthday.
5 more months then I will get a year older. A year older. And that’s the deadline.
I promised myself that when I reach 21 years old. I will stop asking allowance from my parents. I need to work my ass off to earn some money to survive. #wishmeluck.
21 years old. The year I wanted to prove to myself that dream is the one who brings me far. The year I wanted to prove to the people who ever underestimate me, they are wrong. The year I wanted to show my family, especially my dad and mum. I can survive, living outside of their boundary-their comfort zone.
I have the confidence that I can manage. I believe that I can achieve it. Yet, there is only one thing that I have lacked in confidence with. Love.
Love also plays a huge part in me. But as I grow up, I don’t believe in true love. Cheating has become very common in this society. A relationship is meant for two people. But there will be always some people who do not know how to count. Oh… well… maybe I should send them back to kindergarten? My feeling ever been played before. I got cheated before. It hurt so damn badly than I ever think. Well… I might be excellence in the academic field. But in love… I am totally a love idiot. #iadmitthat
My poly friends always tell me that the dramatic love stories that I have watched are not real. They are just another fairy tale. They are not true. They are just a love drama that being created for an entertainment purpose.
But I should not get upset too much because of relationship matters. Just face it as much as I can. And hopefully things are going to get better.
Therefore, 2014 please be good! Work hard, play hard, study hard! GO GO GO!!!
PS : Happy new year 2014 everybody! ;D
M.E
