A Rusted Diamond

I am back.

Felt so tired after a long day, not because of work.

I am just so sick of my life.

How long should this keep on going?

I forgot how it felt to be heart broken or hurt.

Numb.

Just hopeless and helpless with the surroundings, I am not giving up.

I … I don’t know.

Just feel so freaking sad and down every night, can I only have morning and afternoon every day?

I hate when it comes to night, I hate when I reach home and it is empty.

I hate it. I hate myself for not being able to express my emotion when I am sad.

How long more should this been kept on dragging?

I even lose the mood to attend my own graduation ceremony. Imagining my friends come with the parents, bought a banquet for them. Well, I don’t like flowers. But maybe this time will be different.

I keep considering and asking myself over and over again. Should I go?

Should I?

Damn. I don’t know. 5 % vs 95 %.

I have stopped blogging for a couple of weeks- trying to find something to get off my attention and start to have a new routine.

However, I think this is the only place where I can express my sadness and my emo.

I can type out all the thoughts in my mind. Yes I can-without expecting my laptop to respond.

No one will ever understand how hurt I am. No one will ever know how broken I am right now.

Even I am trying my best to understand myself. And that’s freaking terrible.

Cause I can’t even really understand myself.

What I knew and noticed was I always keep myself stay up late in the office till everyone left.

I hate going back home.

What’ wrong with dreams? What’s wrong with chasing after dreams?

What’s wrong with being a fighter for my own life? What’s wrong with being responsible over my own life?

What’s wrong with being tough and believing that I could make it happen?

What’s wrong with having faith in my dream, my faith, and my goals?

I am young. I might not know and might be clueless over the path where I am going to.

But I want to explore, I want to learn, I want to gain a tonne of experience as much as I could.

Life is short yet there are so many things I want to do. I don’t know when God will call me.

Therefore, I want to make full use of my life. Learn, appreciate, forgive and forget.

Wish me luck, my dear laptop! Hahaha

Life is so tough and thanks God you are here to keep me accompany.

Hahaa..

Oh well… it’s okay. Everything will be alright.

 Thank you for being a good listener and a great shoulder to cry on my dear laptop.

Yes. Everything will be alright.

Let the time heal this pain.

Yeah. Everything will be alright.

Stay focus, keep believing and be tough.

 #ME

PS : Behind a loud laughter, there is a teardrop.