The Incomplete me

Rejection?
Mmmm.. frankly speaking, I never experience it before. I never get any rejection before.
And in this 2014, this was the first time I got a rejection. A job rejection.
And well.. it hurt me terribly. Seriously. I am serious.

Since it was the first rejection I have in my life, I was really messed up and fucked up.
I felt like the whole world was just gonna end. I knew that this sounded so dramatic. But seriously, I felt that I have lost my wings.
I was so upset. Damn damn upset.
But the ego part of me stopped me from crying. Stopped me from expressing my sadness. I hold back my tears.
Egoistic me. I knew it.

Till one day, when other problems came and all just got me to the max. I could not take it anymore.
But seriously, I was so surprised that I was unable to cry. mmm... well so what I did next was I planned to get drunk ...at home.

                                                                  ****

My family especially my dad asked me to choose between him or my dreams?
I can't choose. Yes I can't. However, that didn't mean that I don't love him, my family. I love them. I love him. But, dreams.. they are part of me too. I am a full time dreamer.
I know that out of all my siblings, I am the only one who always against my dad and mum. I often only follow my wants. I push  myself too much to achieve the things I want in life.
I don't want to live in my family comfort zone. I think it is very scary.
Too fairy tales, too surreal, and too beautiful to be true.
My dad will always make everything possible for me.
Well, you can say that I'm complicated or stupid or whatever.
Yess.. that's me. :) I admit it.

I want to experience  tough life. mmm for example, in order to buy something that cost $50, I need to  save up for like a month. I don't know. I just want to experience like working damn fucking hard to buy something for myself and my family.


                                                                     ****

There was a bottle of baileys in the fridge. No one touched it before. It was new and that was the only "alcohol" I had at home.
Therefore, when I went home after my part time work, I straight away grabbed a bottle of baileys and a small cup.
Oh ya.. before that I went to 711 to buy a 7-up.
                                                                   
                                                                     ***

I started to drink the baileys. One shot by one shot. It tasted wew... I don't really like it. But yaa.. I just wanna get drunk and release whatever stupid annoying thoughts in my mind.
Then, I even mixed baileys and 7up- I have 0 knowledge about alcohol/ liquor or whatever you call them so pardon me (I even did google about it. They said, "Wow...it was a great experiment!")
OH WELL!!!
it was really a great experiment!!!! it tastes SUCKS!!!

I don't really know what had happen after that.
What I heard from my housemate was I was crying and laughing at the same time.
She said I even finished up a bottle of baileys.

:(

yes.. at the moment, I was totally out of my mind. Just because of a stupid rejection.
It affected my mood, my courage to fight.

but NOW! no more!!!

I am back to the old me.

ME..
the one who  always believe in dreams.
The one who always have faith in myself though others against me.
The one who desire challenges
The one who love to fight for a better future

And no one could ever stop me :)

ps : I dream and therefore I am :)