Bus 139

I took 139 this afternoon.
It took me about 1 hour to reach toa payoh central.
An hour, to reflect on my life-my journey.

Yes, some of you who know me will know I rarely take bus as a transport. I prefer MRT.
I don't know. Just feel  that when I am in the bus for too long. My mind will just go wild.
I will start to think think think and think.
Reflect reflect and reflect.

Today, I called dad.
Yes, after our cold war regarding this egoistic daughter  who doesn't want to go back Indonesia and break her 3 years bond in Singapore.
Hehehehe...
I know some of you will start laughing cause you  knew the stories mmm since 2011? :P
Yes... today instead of going wild with new dreams and new ambitions.
I called dad. A "short" and quality conversation with him-I think.

He... just as usual, he always try to be so cold to me.
But, i knew deep inside his heart, he can't resist to ask me "How are you dear? Have you eaten? Do you have enough money to survive?"
Haizh.. please dad. I know you. :P

Today, I put aside my ego.
I told him honestly about my dreams, my ambitions, and the future path which I am aiming for.
And obviously, he doesn't seem to agree with my thoughts.
He claimed that all those are bullshit.
He doesn't believe in dreams-my dreams and unfortunately I am a dreamer.
He keep insisting that why should I work under people when I  am now can be the boss?
mmm.. typical Indonesian Chinese parents' thinking.

I don't mean to blame him. I know and understand that he doesn't want to see me suffer.
He doesn't feel good letting me staying alone in Singapore.
But.. this is all I want.

I don't know whether you are in my side or not.
But  I think that becoming a boss is very easy. You just open your mouth and command people.
That's not the thing I want. I told him.

Instead of becoming a boss. I told him that I prefer the word "leader"

 A leader who don't only know how to command. He/she actually shows his/her employees how to make  things done.  And in order to be a good leader, I think I need to have a strong foundation on how to manage things. And that explain  why I wanna work in Singapore. I wanna work under people cause I wanna learn and gain experiences as much as I can.

And.. dad.. he just says answered "mmmm..mmmm"

I continued..
I told him that I want people to know me as who I am. Who meylisa is.
Not because who is my dad?
Oppsss... I don't mean that I am not proud as his daughter. But I want to prove to people that I can survive without dad's money and power.
I can stand on my own feet. I am not that spoiled little brat anymore.


Dad still keep silent.


Then suddenly, he asked me "You know, how important are you to me?"
I was stunned for a minute. Then I replied him

"You ever said that I'm the only one who really like you. We both are so alike, regarding characters,passionate, and attitude.You was not born rich dad. You used to work very hard to reach  this stage. And now that you come to point where you can easily fulfill all our needs and even our wants  just as easy as winking your eyes. The past you and the current you-You.. truly inspire me. Then why must you stop me now? Aren't you the one who ever told me that in order to sustain at the top, we must first experienced the feeling of the standing at the most bottom?"

Then I hang up the phone and said
I love you dad :) SEMANGAT 45! ;D


PS :  JIA YOU MEYLISA TJONG!!!!!! ;D :D
                                                             
                                                                          ***

The Incomplete me

Rejection?
Mmmm.. frankly speaking, I never experience it before. I never get any rejection before.
And in this 2014, this was the first time I got a rejection. A job rejection.
And well.. it hurt me terribly. Seriously. I am serious.

Since it was the first rejection I have in my life, I was really messed up and fucked up.
I felt like the whole world was just gonna end. I knew that this sounded so dramatic. But seriously, I felt that I have lost my wings.
I was so upset. Damn damn upset.
But the ego part of me stopped me from crying. Stopped me from expressing my sadness. I hold back my tears.
Egoistic me. I knew it.

Till one day, when other problems came and all just got me to the max. I could not take it anymore.
But seriously, I was so surprised that I was unable to cry. mmm... well so what I did next was I planned to get drunk ...at home.

                                                                  ****

My family especially my dad asked me to choose between him or my dreams?
I can't choose. Yes I can't. However, that didn't mean that I don't love him, my family. I love them. I love him. But, dreams.. they are part of me too. I am a full time dreamer.
I know that out of all my siblings, I am the only one who always against my dad and mum. I often only follow my wants. I push  myself too much to achieve the things I want in life.
I don't want to live in my family comfort zone. I think it is very scary.
Too fairy tales, too surreal, and too beautiful to be true.
My dad will always make everything possible for me.
Well, you can say that I'm complicated or stupid or whatever.
Yess.. that's me. :) I admit it.

I want to experience  tough life. mmm for example, in order to buy something that cost $50, I need to  save up for like a month. I don't know. I just want to experience like working damn fucking hard to buy something for myself and my family.


                                                                     ****

There was a bottle of baileys in the fridge. No one touched it before. It was new and that was the only "alcohol" I had at home.
Therefore, when I went home after my part time work, I straight away grabbed a bottle of baileys and a small cup.
Oh ya.. before that I went to 711 to buy a 7-up.
                                                                   
                                                                     ***

I started to drink the baileys. One shot by one shot. It tasted wew... I don't really like it. But yaa.. I just wanna get drunk and release whatever stupid annoying thoughts in my mind.
Then, I even mixed baileys and 7up- I have 0 knowledge about alcohol/ liquor or whatever you call them so pardon me (I even did google about it. They said, "Wow...it was a great experiment!")
OH WELL!!!
it was really a great experiment!!!! it tastes SUCKS!!!

I don't really know what had happen after that.
What I heard from my housemate was I was crying and laughing at the same time.
She said I even finished up a bottle of baileys.

:(

yes.. at the moment, I was totally out of my mind. Just because of a stupid rejection.
It affected my mood, my courage to fight.

but NOW! no more!!!

I am back to the old me.

ME..
the one who  always believe in dreams.
The one who always have faith in myself though others against me.
The one who desire challenges
The one who love to fight for a better future

And no one could ever stop me :)

ps : I dream and therefore I am :)